1 00:00:01,469 --> 00:00:04,503 There I was, on a lonely deserted mountain road 2 00:00:04,505 --> 00:00:06,972 in the middle of the night, when suddenly 3 00:00:06,974 --> 00:00:08,774 my breaks failed on the downgrade. 4 00:00:08,776 --> 00:00:11,777 Oh, Maxine, you must have been scared out of you wits. 5 00:00:11,779 --> 00:00:13,479 Let's just say I was screaming 6 00:00:13,481 --> 00:00:15,681 my mantra at the top of my lungs. 7 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,183 I'll bet. 8 00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,519 I kept going faster and faster 9 00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:23,255 when, suddenly, another power took control 10 00:00:23,257 --> 00:00:25,457 and-and pushed me into the passenger seat. 11 00:00:26,660 --> 00:00:28,961 Usually, I don't let other people drive my car. 12 00:00:30,498 --> 00:00:32,664 And that was the first time you met, uh--? 13 00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,700 What did you say your friend's name was? 14 00:00:34,702 --> 00:00:37,703 Vlad. The warrior god. 15 00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:41,173 [sighs] Maxine, this is fascinating. 16 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:44,510 But where would a 6000-year-old Mayan warrior 17 00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,712 learn to down-shift a Toyota? 18 00:00:47,581 --> 00:00:49,515 I know you're skeptical. 19 00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,550 But if it wasn't for Vlad.. 20 00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:54,420 ...I wouldn't be alive to be reunited with Neal. 21 00:00:55,356 --> 00:00:58,323 Did you say "reunited"? 22 00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:01,527 Ours has been one of the great romances throughout history. 23 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,763 Didn't Neal tell you? 24 00:01:04,765 --> 00:01:07,032 Well, we haven't spoken in a couple of days. 25 00:01:07,034 --> 00:01:09,735 - Would you like some more tea? - No, thank you. 26 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,403 - Neal? - No, thank you. 27 00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,772 I think I'll get us some anyway. 28 00:01:13,774 --> 00:01:15,974 - I'll give you a hand. - Come on. 29 00:01:23,350 --> 00:01:25,284 Do you like 'em? 30 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:28,487 How can I like them after what they did to my village? 31 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:33,592 Alright, who wants to go first? 32 00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:36,128 ALF, it's easy to criticize, but the world 33 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:38,897 is made up of all kinds of different people. 34 00:01:38,899 --> 00:01:41,266 As we've seen this evening Maxine herself 35 00:01:41,268 --> 00:01:43,602 is made of seven or eight of them. 36 00:01:43,604 --> 00:01:46,205 Still, if she marries into the family 37 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,507 do I have to hide from Vlad? 38 00:01:48,509 --> 00:01:50,809 Well, we'll just have to.. 39 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:54,213 ..meet Vlad and make that decision then. 40 00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:55,881 Shh. 41 00:01:55,883 --> 00:01:59,418 Hey, look at it this way. You haven't lost a brother. 42 00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,086 You've gained a god. 43 00:02:01,088 --> 00:02:04,089 [all laughing] 44 00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:10,028 [theme music] 45 00:02:37,057 --> 00:02:40,058 [music continues] 46 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:09,821 [instrumental music] 47 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:14,626 You will all be glad to see me burn. 48 00:03:14,628 --> 00:03:16,228 But if I go through the fire. 49 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:18,330 I shall go through it to their hearts. 50 00:03:18,332 --> 00:03:19,898 Forever and ever. 51 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,701 And so, God be with me. 52 00:03:23,871 --> 00:03:26,238 Not bad. Now do it again. 53 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,241 And this time, try to show a little leg. 54 00:03:30,678 --> 00:03:32,945 Alf, I'm auditioning for Joan of arc. 55 00:03:32,947 --> 00:03:34,813 I don't really think that would be appropriate. 56 00:03:34,815 --> 00:03:36,815 Just tell me if I've got the lines right. 57 00:03:36,817 --> 00:03:38,684 Okay. But I'm telling you. 58 00:03:38,686 --> 00:03:39,985 It would be a lot funnier 59 00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,187 if you were holding a rubber chicken. 60 00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:44,590 It's not a comedy. 61 00:03:44,592 --> 00:03:47,125 Well, not the way you're doing it. 62 00:03:48,262 --> 00:03:49,895 Hey, I've got a great idea! 63 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:51,964 When they strike the first torch 64 00:03:51,966 --> 00:03:54,633 grab your big toe and hop around 65 00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:57,169 yelling, "Hot foot! Hot foot!" 66 00:03:58,372 --> 00:04:00,572 I'm tied to a stake! 67 00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,675 You're tied to a piece of meat 68 00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,178 and you don't see the humor in that? 69 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:08,046 No. 70 00:04:08,048 --> 00:04:09,681 Well, then you might want to consider 71 00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:12,484 a couple of well-placed tassels. 72 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:13,986 Thanks. 73 00:04:13,988 --> 00:04:17,055 - You've been no help at all. - What's wrong? 74 00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,790 He wants me to hold a rubber chicken 75 00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,393 and wear tassels. 76 00:04:21,395 --> 00:04:24,663 I guess he figures 'cause he got Brian to do it once. 77 00:04:25,199 --> 00:04:26,431 [knock on door] 78 00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,100 Oh. Alf. 79 00:04:31,305 --> 00:04:32,638 It's Neal. 80 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,772 Oh, great. 81 00:04:33,774 --> 00:04:35,974 God's gag gift to women. 82 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,310 - Hey, Neal. - Willie. 83 00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:41,480 The most amazing thing just happened. 84 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,215 - Hi, Uncle Neal. - Hi, Neal. 85 00:04:43,217 --> 00:04:44,616 It's incredible. 86 00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,351 It caught me totally by surprise. 87 00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:47,719 You won't ever guess what it is. 88 00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,788 Your ex-wife's coming to town. 89 00:04:49,790 --> 00:04:52,291 Brian, please. Go on, Neal. 90 00:04:52,293 --> 00:04:54,092 Actually, that's it. 91 00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:55,794 How did you know? 92 00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,996 It's his standard guess. 93 00:04:58,866 --> 00:04:59,965 Well, anyway, you'll never guess 94 00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:01,933 why she's coming to town. 95 00:05:01,935 --> 00:05:03,869 She wants you back? 96 00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,906 Can you bend spoons, too? 97 00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:11,943 Wha...Neal, when did all this happen? 98 00:05:14,081 --> 00:05:15,247 [car horn honks] 99 00:05:15,249 --> 00:05:16,682 [sighs] That's my ride. 100 00:05:16,684 --> 00:05:18,016 Gotta go. 101 00:05:18,752 --> 00:05:20,552 We'll see you. 102 00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:22,587 You know, Neal, that really is amazing. 103 00:05:22,589 --> 00:05:26,058 I can't believe that Margaret, after all she's put you through 104 00:05:26,060 --> 00:05:28,093 that she would have the nerve to call you up 105 00:05:28,095 --> 00:05:29,661 and ask you to take her back. 106 00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:31,263 It must have felt really good 107 00:05:31,265 --> 00:05:33,365 to finally tell her off, eh? 108 00:05:33,367 --> 00:05:35,267 Well, I...I suppose it would 109 00:05:35,269 --> 00:05:37,269 had I taken that approach. 110 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,639 Don't tell me you're actually 111 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:43,842 considering taking her back! 112 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:46,478 Willie, I don't understand what you-what you find so wrong 113 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:47,846 with my wanting to go back to someone 114 00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:50,615 I spent ten years of my life with! 115 00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,384 Neal, get a clue. 116 00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:54,252 They hate her! 117 00:05:56,223 --> 00:05:58,357 Willie, is that true? 118 00:05:58,359 --> 00:06:02,094 Willie...now, Margaret does have her sweet side. 119 00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:05,964 Oh, you're not still buying into that 120 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:09,034 "Poor little helpless me" act of hers, are you? 121 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,536 I mean, she walked out on you. 122 00:06:11,538 --> 00:06:13,004 Neal, even if she weren't 123 00:06:13,006 --> 00:06:15,807 manipulative, domineering, selfish.. 124 00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,709 Honey, honey. Shh. 125 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,945 Those are his words. 126 00:06:19,947 --> 00:06:25,217 Still, Neal may not wanna hear them again right now. 127 00:06:25,219 --> 00:06:27,853 I think what Kate is trying to say 128 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,855 and she speaks for all of us 129 00:06:29,857 --> 00:06:32,858 is you're in it so deep, we're all giving up. 130 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,764 [instrumental music] 131 00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:43,802 So, what shall we watch on TV tonight? 132 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:47,739 I've narrowed it down to "Nova: Inside the Atom". 133 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:49,408 Eh. 134 00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,643 And-and I'm not lobbying for this. 135 00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,247 "My Mother the Car!" Yeah! 136 00:06:55,249 --> 00:06:57,416 I'm not watching a show where someone's mom 137 00:06:57,418 --> 00:07:00,218 comes back as a talking car. 138 00:07:00,220 --> 00:07:03,522 What do you mean? You laugh at "Mister Ed" every night. 139 00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:05,090 It's entirely different. 140 00:07:05,092 --> 00:07:08,393 [sighs] It's a talking horse. 141 00:07:08,395 --> 00:07:10,028 What's the difference? 142 00:07:10,998 --> 00:07:14,766 First of all, Ed did not "come back". 143 00:07:14,768 --> 00:07:17,869 And second, there's no physical way 144 00:07:17,871 --> 00:07:20,005 that a car can talk. 145 00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,374 Well, that's not necessarily true. 146 00:07:22,376 --> 00:07:24,443 - If, let's say, the car-- - Honey, honey. 147 00:07:24,445 --> 00:07:26,745 Please don't let him suck you into this conversation. 148 00:07:26,747 --> 00:07:28,447 - I'm gonna win this time. - Mm-mmm. 149 00:07:28,449 --> 00:07:29,848 Listen, a car is a machine-- 150 00:07:29,850 --> 00:07:31,316 Well.. 151 00:07:31,318 --> 00:07:32,884 ...guess what happened. 152 00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:34,619 You didn't get the part. 153 00:07:34,621 --> 00:07:36,388 Will you stop that! 154 00:07:36,390 --> 00:07:37,789 Tell us, honey. 155 00:07:37,791 --> 00:07:40,058 I didn't get the part. 156 00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:41,793 There'll be other roles. 157 00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:45,363 I know. I got one. It's one line. 158 00:07:45,365 --> 00:07:48,967 I share it with six other students. I'm a knight. 159 00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:51,369 I don't even get to play my own gender. 160 00:07:51,371 --> 00:07:54,840 I told you you should've shown a little leg. 161 00:07:54,842 --> 00:07:56,007 [knock on door] 162 00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,943 (Neal) 'It's me, Neal.' 163 00:07:59,480 --> 00:08:01,046 - Hi. - Hi, everybody. 164 00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:03,949 Willie, I wanna thank you for forcing me 165 00:08:03,951 --> 00:08:07,118 to see what a...a fool I've been. 166 00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,453 What are you talking about, Neal? 167 00:08:08,455 --> 00:08:10,889 Well, I was up all night thinking about Margaret 168 00:08:10,891 --> 00:08:12,123 and-and you were right. 169 00:08:12,125 --> 00:08:14,793 I mean, we had an empty marriage. 170 00:08:14,795 --> 00:08:17,395 She used me as her cook, her masseur 171 00:08:17,397 --> 00:08:19,631 until just the right credit dentist came along. 172 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:22,133 I mean, I don't know why I didn't see through her. 173 00:08:22,135 --> 00:08:24,536 You could barely see around her. 174 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,039 So, I acted on my feelings 175 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:30,242 and I-I did the only thing I could. 176 00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:33,745 [gasps] You threw her body in the trunk of your car?! 177 00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,947 It's always the quiet ones. 178 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,116 No. 179 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,384 Margaret's at the airport 180 00:08:39,386 --> 00:08:41,152 and I told her to take a cab here 181 00:08:41,154 --> 00:08:43,255 because I didn't wanna see her alone. 182 00:08:43,257 --> 00:08:44,389 What?! 183 00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:45,557 Well I didn't think 184 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,526 Willie should reject her for me on the phone. 185 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:49,628 It's so impersonal. 186 00:08:49,630 --> 00:08:52,764 Neal, I hope you understand, for your sake 187 00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:55,033 why Willie can't do this for you. 188 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,537 Oh, please, just this once Willie. 189 00:08:58,539 --> 00:08:59,905 [chuckling] 190 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,373 Forget it. 191 00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,843 Fine. I'll do it myself. 192 00:09:04,845 --> 00:09:07,746 But this is the last favor I do for you. 193 00:09:07,748 --> 00:09:10,048 Spoken like a true invertebrate. 194 00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:14,419 [instrumental music] 195 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,324 What could be taking her so long? 196 00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:22,127 Maybe she met another dentist on her way here 197 00:09:22,129 --> 00:09:24,930 and is being worked on as we speak. 198 00:09:25,799 --> 00:09:27,365 What? 199 00:09:27,367 --> 00:09:29,935 [doorbell rings] 200 00:09:29,937 --> 00:09:33,138 Willie, at least tell me what to do. 201 00:09:33,140 --> 00:09:35,040 Just be honest, Neal. 202 00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:37,342 Tell her that you appreciate her feelings. 203 00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:39,978 You just don't happen to share them. 204 00:09:39,980 --> 00:09:41,846 Yeah, and don't let the door 205 00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:44,182 hit her big butt on the way out. 206 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,084 - ALF! - I've seen pictures. 207 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,686 I'm allowed an opinion. 208 00:09:53,460 --> 00:09:54,593 Hello, Neal. 209 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,529 Margaret! 210 00:09:57,531 --> 00:09:58,830 You look.. 211 00:09:58,832 --> 00:10:00,332 ...wonderful! 212 00:10:00,334 --> 00:10:03,001 W-wh-what'd you do to yourself? 213 00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:06,471 Oh, gosh. Well, let's see, uh.. 214 00:10:06,473 --> 00:10:08,907 ...it was a combination of joining a gym.. 215 00:10:08,909 --> 00:10:10,942 ...running three miles a day.. 216 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,410 ...eating only healthy foods. 217 00:10:12,412 --> 00:10:14,613 But mostly it was the extensive surgery. 218 00:10:17,217 --> 00:10:20,218 Most women wouldn't be so honest about that. 219 00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:22,954 I think I've paid the price for lying, don't you? 220 00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:33,064 You look well. 221 00:10:33,066 --> 00:10:34,532 So do you. 222 00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,468 'Uh..' 223 00:10:37,638 --> 00:10:40,639 So how much did you lose, 60, 80 pounds? 224 00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,209 You always did know the right thing to say. 225 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:50,181 I know I've hurt you. 226 00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,350 And I have no right 227 00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,552 to ask you to give me another chance. 228 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,992 But I'm asking. 229 00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:03,662 Get your popcorn. Get your flakes. 230 00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:06,031 Get your sugar daddies. 231 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,766 Get away from the pass-through. 232 00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,167 Give him a little privacy. 233 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,236 But she's got him on the ropes, Willie. 234 00:11:11,238 --> 00:11:13,571 She's pounding his midsection. 235 00:11:13,573 --> 00:11:15,974 What's keeping him up? 236 00:11:15,976 --> 00:11:18,309 Uh-oh. Uh-oh! Uh-oh! 237 00:11:18,311 --> 00:11:19,778 [whispering] What? What? 238 00:11:20,881 --> 00:11:24,082 [jazz music] 239 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,585 Not since Tyson and Givens 240 00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:30,388 has a man been so outmatched in the ring. 241 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,730 [instrumental music] 242 00:11:40,167 --> 00:11:41,633 We should invite Margaret and Neal 243 00:11:41,635 --> 00:11:43,134 to go to the movies with us. 244 00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:44,969 Huh! Only if you take them to see 245 00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,172 "Throw Margaret from the Train." 246 00:11:47,908 --> 00:11:49,207 ALF, Margaret and Neal 247 00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:51,109 have rekindled something in each other 248 00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,745 and no matter how much that repels us 249 00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:56,581 it looks like she's gonna be around for a while. 250 00:11:56,583 --> 00:11:58,750 - Willie. - I'm sorry, Kate. 251 00:11:58,752 --> 00:12:00,919 I don't like her. I didn't like her then 252 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,121 and I don't trust her now. 253 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:04,656 Oh, what the heck? 254 00:12:04,658 --> 00:12:06,558 Let's go to the movies. 255 00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,660 Well, anyway, it's not for us to judge 256 00:12:08,662 --> 00:12:10,428 what mutually destructive qualities 257 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:12,931 two people need to make them happy. 258 00:12:12,933 --> 00:12:15,400 I think we should just stay out of it. 259 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,001 It's too late, anyway. 260 00:12:17,003 --> 00:12:19,404 The guy's so ripped, he's butter. 261 00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,707 Just stay out of trouble. 262 00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:27,345 [instrumental music] 263 00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,914 (Del Rubio) 'This is Joey Del Rubio' 264 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,383 'and I can show you how to make a million dollars' 265 00:12:32,385 --> 00:12:33,518 'in your spare time.' 266 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,253 'I did it, and so can you.' 267 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,222 Well, do us all a favor. 268 00:12:37,224 --> 00:12:40,625 Take 20 bucks out and get your tooth cleaned. 269 00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,393 [telephone ringing] 270 00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:44,462 (Del Rubio) '29.95. What's more, you'll have...' 271 00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,231 Hello. 272 00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,932 Oh, hi, Neal. 273 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,601 What's up, dude? 274 00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,836 [shower running] Yeah, is Willie there? 275 00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,671 Anybody? 276 00:12:53,673 --> 00:12:57,575 Darn, we're so excited about our news and there's nobody to tell. 277 00:12:57,577 --> 00:12:59,844 Oh, then let me find someone. 278 00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,516 [deep voice] Hello? You're the guy with the news, huh? 279 00:13:05,585 --> 00:13:07,051 Sorry, ALF. 280 00:13:07,053 --> 00:13:09,621 Margaret and I are getting married. 281 00:13:09,623 --> 00:13:11,189 What?! 282 00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:14,225 Yeah! We're driving to Vegas to tie the knot. 283 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,393 But, Neal.. 284 00:13:15,395 --> 00:13:16,861 (Margaret) 'Honey?' 285 00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,930 Uh, listen, I gotta go. 286 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:21,666 Uh, tell everybody the good news for me, okay? Bye. 287 00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:23,001 But, Neal, wait! Don't.. 288 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,169 [click, dial tone] 289 00:13:24,171 --> 00:13:25,637 ...hang up. 290 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,205 Oh! 291 00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,541 This had to happen on my watch. 292 00:13:31,178 --> 00:13:33,711 Do I sit by and do nothing 293 00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:36,581 or risk all and save the poor schlub? 294 00:13:38,919 --> 00:13:40,318 Well.. 295 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,687 ...it is Vegas. 296 00:13:42,689 --> 00:13:44,923 And there is that sock of quarters 297 00:13:44,925 --> 00:13:46,658 Brian's been saving. 298 00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:51,362 [instrumental music] 299 00:13:54,534 --> 00:13:56,734 Just think, in less than an hour 300 00:13:56,736 --> 00:13:59,337 we're going to be husband and wife. 301 00:14:00,473 --> 00:14:01,506 Again. 302 00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,475 And my sister and her four sons 303 00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:06,377 could move back in with us. 304 00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,213 She's down to 280 now 305 00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:10,882 and she's practically back on her feet. 306 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,884 You like sissy, don't you, Neal? 307 00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,224 [gasps] Look out! 308 00:14:19,226 --> 00:14:21,426 [brakes squeal] 309 00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:24,229 Where were you going? 310 00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:27,165 I, uh...guess I was having.. 311 00:14:27,167 --> 00:14:30,602 ...one too many happy thoughts. Uh.. 312 00:14:30,604 --> 00:14:32,403 [clears throat] 313 00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:33,438 You know-you know, Margaret 314 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,874 I-I was thinking, um.. 315 00:14:35,876 --> 00:14:39,010 ...it wouldn't be so bad if we lived in Los Angeles, would it? 316 00:14:39,012 --> 00:14:42,580 Do you have to make an issue out of where we're gonna live? 317 00:14:42,582 --> 00:14:45,416 Well, it-it's just that I-I like Los Angeles, and I-- 318 00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:49,888 Honey, let's not argue on our wedding night. 319 00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:52,891 Let's pop for the swankiest room in town. 320 00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:54,659 Maybe the hotel with the cowboy 321 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:56,861 with the arm that goes like this... 322 00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,568 [horn honking] 323 00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:05,103 [gasps] 324 00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:08,706 Honestly, honey, your happy thoughts are gonna kill us. 325 00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:14,279 [instrumental music] 326 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,551 You mind if I go in first? 327 00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,453 I'd like to freshen up for you. 328 00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,656 I'm still not happy with this face. 329 00:15:32,732 --> 00:15:35,700 You really stepped in it this time, Neal. 330 00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:38,469 Have you gone crazy? What are you doing here? 331 00:15:38,471 --> 00:15:40,538 I came to see Rickles. 332 00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,941 I came to stop you from making 333 00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,610 the biggest mistake of your life. 334 00:15:45,612 --> 00:15:46,844 Again. 335 00:15:46,846 --> 00:15:48,713 Do Willie and Kate know you're here? 336 00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,783 Yeah, yeah. I had a hall pass. My dog ate it. 337 00:15:53,186 --> 00:15:55,320 Look, ALF, I appreciate your concern. 338 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:58,156 But this is none of your business. 339 00:15:58,158 --> 00:15:59,958 I wanna do this. 340 00:15:59,960 --> 00:16:02,493 Well, if I were a strict Freudian 341 00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:05,763 I'd say your forays into oncoming traffic 342 00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:09,567 belay a deep underlying scarediness. 343 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:12,704 You picked up on that, huh? 344 00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,139 What are you thinking about, man? 345 00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:16,407 Well.. 346 00:16:16,409 --> 00:16:18,142 ...we were.. 347 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,144 ...in the throes of, well.. 348 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:21,379 ...reuniting, and-- 349 00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:22,981 Whoa! Stop. Stop. 350 00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:24,615 Stop, stop. 351 00:16:24,617 --> 00:16:27,318 Why am I doubting myself? 352 00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:31,422 Could it be because your blood's on its way back to your brain? 353 00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:33,391 What am I doing? 354 00:16:33,393 --> 00:16:34,859 I'm just gonna go in there 355 00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:38,496 and put this happiest day of my life behind me. 356 00:16:38,498 --> 00:16:40,465 Oh, will you forget Margaret! 357 00:16:40,467 --> 00:16:43,601 We're in the most exciting city in Nevada. 358 00:16:43,603 --> 00:16:47,238 Donny Osmond's opening for Morey Amsterdam. 359 00:16:47,240 --> 00:16:50,341 We could go to the Liberace museum. 360 00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,543 Or look for a free breakfast. 361 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,414 [car door closes] 362 00:16:56,416 --> 00:16:58,883 There's so much to do. 363 00:16:58,885 --> 00:17:00,885 And me without clothes. 364 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:07,825 [indistinct wedding ceremony] 365 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,665 It's not lady Di's wedding. 366 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:18,736 But then again, she didn't get a free pull on the slots. 367 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:23,641 I now pronounce you man and wife. 368 00:17:26,413 --> 00:17:28,479 Congratulations. 369 00:17:28,481 --> 00:17:30,348 Now, here's your setup. 370 00:17:30,350 --> 00:17:31,682 The paper plates are on the table. 371 00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:33,618 So go hit the buffet. 372 00:17:35,221 --> 00:17:37,088 Number 41. 373 00:17:37,090 --> 00:17:38,456 Forty one. 374 00:17:38,458 --> 00:17:39,924 (both) Right here! 375 00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,031 [clears throat] 376 00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:49,133 "It always warms my heart to see two people 377 00:17:49,135 --> 00:17:51,002 so madly in love." 378 00:17:52,539 --> 00:17:55,807 Now, the basic wedding is $45. 379 00:17:55,809 --> 00:17:59,043 The videotape, the flowers, and the rice, that's an extra 75. 380 00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:03,648 We offer an Elvis witness for $50 or the fat Elvis for 35. 381 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,317 So? 382 00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,853 Uh...just the basic wedding. 383 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,590 Were those guys ever a bad investment. 384 00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,093 [sighs] 385 00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,194 [organ music plays] 386 00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,829 We are gathered here to join 387 00:18:17,831 --> 00:18:20,832 Neal Tanner and Margaret Tanner. 388 00:18:22,435 --> 00:18:24,969 Wh...are you two first cousins? 389 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:28,139 'Cause you're gonna have to go to Texas for that. 390 00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,808 No. It's a long story. 391 00:18:30,810 --> 00:18:33,010 With a happy ending, right, Neal? 392 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:37,215 Uh...I know this is inappropriate, but, uh.. 393 00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,416 ...I'll be right back. 394 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:40,017 Is something wrong, honey? 395 00:18:40,019 --> 00:18:41,686 Uh, no, I'm, uh, I'm fine. 396 00:18:41,688 --> 00:18:43,955 I just, uh, need to run to the rest room 397 00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:46,757 and, uh, throw myself a quick bachelor party. 398 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,462 Number 43. 399 00:18:51,464 --> 00:18:52,730 Forty three. 400 00:18:56,936 --> 00:18:58,569 ALF. 401 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:00,538 Neal, you're in luck. 402 00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,839 I found a girl for you that 403 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:04,709 has all the qualities Margaret lacks. 404 00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:06,911 Plus she takes Visa. 405 00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,181 Why do you suppose that is? 406 00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:11,983 Put that down. 407 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:13,351 Okay. 408 00:19:13,353 --> 00:19:14,886 So, are you married? 409 00:19:14,888 --> 00:19:16,254 No. 410 00:19:16,256 --> 00:19:17,755 We got as far as the vows 411 00:19:17,757 --> 00:19:21,893 and I realized that I don't love her anymore. 412 00:19:21,895 --> 00:19:23,394 Yes! Yes! 413 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:24,896 Start the car! 414 00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:27,231 Hop in the backseat. I'll drive. 415 00:19:27,233 --> 00:19:31,068 This way we won't attract attention to ourselves. 416 00:19:31,070 --> 00:19:32,770 What am I gonna do? 417 00:19:32,772 --> 00:19:36,474 What-what if Margaret's the only one who will want me? 418 00:19:36,476 --> 00:19:39,677 Then...take this sock of quarters 419 00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:41,612 and buy a gun. 420 00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:44,382 That's it. 421 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:45,783 I go-I gotta tell her. 422 00:19:45,785 --> 00:19:48,052 I-I just don't know how to break it to her. I.. 423 00:19:49,289 --> 00:19:50,721 Take a deep breath. 424 00:19:50,723 --> 00:19:53,224 Try to imagine life in ten years. 425 00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,027 Your survival instinct should kick in after that. 426 00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,130 Okay. 427 00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:01,766 [car door closes] 428 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:05,536 What you babes are missing. 429 00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:13,911 How was the party? 430 00:20:13,913 --> 00:20:15,980 [sighs] Nobody came. 431 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,182 Pretty flimsy. 432 00:20:19,485 --> 00:20:20,718 Yeah. 433 00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:23,788 I know. 434 00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,122 What's the matter? 435 00:20:25,124 --> 00:20:27,692 You can tell me anything. You know that. 436 00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,729 Margaret...I-- 437 00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,764 Wait, wait. Let's get married first. 438 00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:35,099 We can talk later. 439 00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:38,302 Believe me, I never wanted to hurt you. 440 00:20:41,908 --> 00:20:44,875 Margaret...don't do this to yourself. 441 00:20:44,877 --> 00:20:46,210 Get your own plate. 442 00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,079 Margaret, give me this. 443 00:20:49,549 --> 00:20:51,315 You have never forgiven me, have you? 444 00:20:51,317 --> 00:20:53,184 No, it's not that. 445 00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,853 It's just that.. 446 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:56,954 [sighs] 447 00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,156 I don't love you anymore, Margaret. 448 00:21:00,827 --> 00:21:02,226 I don't understand. 449 00:21:02,228 --> 00:21:04,562 Just three hours ago in short, quick breaths 450 00:21:04,564 --> 00:21:06,030 you made it quite clear that-- 451 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,299 I know, I know but I think that came more out of 452 00:21:08,301 --> 00:21:10,768 who we used to be than who we are now. 453 00:21:12,038 --> 00:21:14,405 I never should have left you. 454 00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:15,640 Maybe. 455 00:21:16,743 --> 00:21:19,877 But we're different people now. 456 00:21:19,879 --> 00:21:21,879 And hopefully we'll come out of this 457 00:21:21,881 --> 00:21:24,015 stronger and better. 458 00:21:25,718 --> 00:21:27,785 Well, I guess that's that. 459 00:21:30,223 --> 00:21:31,689 Still friends? 460 00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:34,225 Oh, of course. 461 00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:44,468 Can I give you a lift back? 462 00:21:44,470 --> 00:21:45,836 Nah. 463 00:21:45,838 --> 00:21:48,506 I've got a thumb and a pretty nice leg 464 00:21:48,508 --> 00:21:50,241 now, thanks to Dr. Marcus. 465 00:21:50,243 --> 00:21:52,043 [chuckles] 466 00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:54,245 - I'll be fine. - I know. 467 00:21:55,948 --> 00:21:58,482 Take care of yourself, Neal. 468 00:21:58,484 --> 00:22:00,551 You, too. 469 00:22:00,553 --> 00:22:01,686 [bell dings, coins clinking] 470 00:22:01,688 --> 00:22:02,953 (ALF) 'Ha, yes!' 471 00:22:02,955 --> 00:22:05,156 'Two cherries and a watermelon!' 472 00:22:11,664 --> 00:22:14,165 [instrumental music] 473 00:22:16,469 --> 00:22:18,102 Well, on behalf of all of us 474 00:22:18,104 --> 00:22:21,672 I-I really feel you made the right decision. 475 00:22:21,674 --> 00:22:25,009 I tell you, it was a pretty painful, lonely drive back. 476 00:22:26,179 --> 00:22:27,478 Quit complaining. 477 00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,980 You slept most of the way. 478 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,949 I still say you did the right thing. 479 00:22:31,951 --> 00:22:34,552 I just expressed that, honey. 480 00:22:34,554 --> 00:22:36,320 Oh, good. 481 00:22:36,322 --> 00:22:38,089 The only thing I question is the wisdom 482 00:22:38,091 --> 00:22:42,159 of taking ALF to see a Las Vegas show. 483 00:22:42,161 --> 00:22:45,329 Oh. Well, Margaret did leave her parka in the backseat 484 00:22:45,331 --> 00:22:48,399 and fortunately, ALF looks way over 21. 485 00:22:49,268 --> 00:22:50,835 Still.. 486 00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:54,271 Willie, we were at "Nudes on Ice." 487 00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:57,842 Trust me, nobody was looking at the audience. 488 00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:06,083 [instrumental music] 489 00:23:30,643 --> 00:23:33,177 Ha ha ha! 490 00:23:34,046 --> 00:23:37,248 [instrumental music]